A few months ago I began having trouble gaining traction, and something dawned on me… I had no idea where I wanted to go! I was totally scattered, always busy, but not really getting anywhere. Has this ever happened to you? Well, I attended a Tony Robbins event called Date with Destiny about the same time and thank goodness I did!
One of the exercises we did was discover what primary question was driving us. At first I couldn’t quite figure it out and honestly didn't understand why figuring it out was so important. I went through what I thought my question could be, as in “How can I feel loved?” “How can I be better?” “What am I supposed to do with my life?”, and on and on.
It started to bug me that I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I finally stopped searching so hard and sort of gave my brain a break. As the day continued, I just sort of paid attention to what went through my mind and what I instinctively gravitated to do. As the camera would pan the room throughout the event, I would always get excited thinking I would get some screen time, and I thought maybe my question was “How can I get more attention?” But that didn’t quite hit the mark.
Then I realized I was constantly asking myself, “what can I DO?” I would ask, “what can I DO to get screen time?” “What can I DO to meet more people?” “What can I DO to get the most out of my time at the event?” “What can I DO now?” I always had to be DOING something!
I was floored. It made total sense! I often felt my accomplishments would dictate my attention, my love and worth. I felt like if I wasn’t DOING something then that meant I was lazy or wasting time. I also would feel like I was constantly DOING something, yet would struggle with fully finishing things. It was a constant spinning my wheels but not nearly moving as much as I should in relation to how busy I was. I was so excited to figure out what my primary question had been so that I could create a new direction with a new one.
So I began asking some clarifying questions to create a new primary question. I know this sounds like a lot of asking questions, and if you are like me, you want some answers out of the articles you read! Trust me, I will get there!
I asked myself, "what do I want? Where do I want to go? What do I want to achieve?" My goal from the very beginning has been to be vertical and walk again, however I also needed a question that would help me on a day to day basis. My goal for attending Date With Destiny was to truly blend the person I was no matter where I was or what I was doing. Meaning, I didn’t feel like I was the same person at home as I was professionally, and I wanted to change that. I wanted to live in integrity no matter what I was doing. I wanted to truly stand up for myself because I often feel that I can be a pushover out of the desire to be liked, rather than having the self-esteem to not let that happen.
And it hit me - the new primary question that could help me on a daily basis, as well as in my ultimate goal to walk again!
“How can I passionately stand up in alignment and let go?”
For me, “Passion” is when love and energy meet. “Alignment” allows me to feel like the person I am is aligned with the values I want to have, as well as my body becoming aligned in health and vitality so that I may stand up and walk. “Letting Go” is something I really want to be able to do, and I am able to trust in the path that unfolds only when it is preceded with passion (love+energy) and alignment with my values. When all of this comes together, I can release the pressure to have it all figured out and release the pressure within my body.
Only within the last 5 months or so, my family and I have begun talking about the details of my accident. It definitely runs in the family to just keep “doing” instead of slowing down to truly face what we need to. I’m sure your family does something similar.
Upon talking to my mom about what I said to her the day I was injured, she told me we only talked for a minute before I went into surgery. She had flown from Salt Lake City to the Las Vegas hospital I was in, and right as she landed, she turned on her phone. The phone rang immediately and it was me. She said I sounded very scared and I was about to go into surgery. She told me that I said, “Mom, the doctors think if they can relieve the pressure that I will be able to feel my legs again”. It was at that moment she realized how serious the situation was.
Since I heard that, I have been focused on relieving the pressure in my body, and I now know it is what I have to do in order to “stand up” in every sense of the words. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, to get it right, to be productive, to just keep doing something - And I tell you, that pressure can feel very heavy and paralyzing.
What a difference it has made to simply ask myself "How can I passionately stand up in alignment and let go?” I feel directed. I feel guided towards my vision of leading a life of integrity and strength within myself. It can also bring me back to center when I get off track or begin to feel scattered. Knowing that at my core I have a need to be productive as a sense of self-worth, I can make that work for me since there is still a sense of action within my new primary question. It doesn't feel contradictive to what feels natural to me so that I won't have resistance to it. Knowing where we've begun is just as important as having a clear vision of where we want to go.
Do you know what your primary question is? What do you constantly ask yourself throughout the day? This one question is what drives you. It propels you and gives you direction. Imagine if you decided to ask a better question? What if you decided to match your question with the direction of your goals?
So, what has your primary question been? What goals do you have and how can you change that primary question to lead you to reach that vision?
Let me hear you!!
I want to hear what your NEW PRIMARY QUESTION is! Comment on my latest Instagram or Facebook Post with the hashtag #STANDINGUP and tell me what your new question is! After all, asking better questions will get you better answers!