ATV accident paralyzing me, divorce, body image issues, single motherhood, struggles in business... I've seen my fair share of setbacks, just like you, although the details will be different. The fact is, we all experience setbacks, and I've become obsessed with figuring out why some swim and others sink.
I've realized that no matter what the setback, the strategy to thrive through it is the same.
Step 1 - Awareness
Personal awareness is deep. It involves really understanding and having compassion for the feelings that come up. Instead of choking back tears, allow them to flow as a form of release. In the book, The Body Keeps the Score the author goes into depth about how our bodies are where our emotions are stored and processed. Let those emotions get released however they need.
This step also is the place we can become aware and accepting of our circumstances as simply our starting point. We don't have to like that it happened, but accepting it as where you are now is key to not living in the past and a state of resistance.
Step 2 - Ability
The difference between the swimmers and the sinkers is their focus. The ones who thrive are focused on what they CAN do and what is in their control. The ones who go into a downward spiral are focused on what they can't do and what is out of their control.
A way to see which you are focused on is if you are putting the blame on people or things. When we blame others instead of taking ownership of our part, we immediately go into victim mode. Now, this isn't to say that you caused someone to hurt you for example. However, it is a way to put you back in the driver's seat and see where you can have better boundaries, get yourself out of abusive situations, etc. This is not meant to beat yourself up, but rather to empower you with what you can do about your situation.
Step 3 - Alignment
We experience self-doubt, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, etc when we are out of alignment. Meaning our beliefs, thoughts, actions, and goals all need to be aligned with what we WANT. If you want peace and love, yet you are constantly name-calling and hating someone you are out of alignment of what you want.
Take a look where you are out of alignment. For example, you want to have a healthy fit body, yet you are buying food that makes you feel crappy after eating and you are not prioritizing exercise over binging on Netflix. Alignment is asking yourself, "If my goals were already my reality, what would I be doing? How would I be thinking? Where would I be going? How would I be spending my money?" and so on. Get yourself aligned with where you want to be headed in life.
Step 4 - Action
If you've followed me for awhile, you have probably heard me say that confidence is an action word - meaning you only gain it through action. Everything we do has momentum. Laziness has momentum just as much as weight loss does. Think about the previous three steps of awareness, ability, and alignment - all have been set up to release the pressure so you have clarity of where you want to go in life. This step should be simple if you are doing the work and being honest with yourself, yet it will take you leaning into who you want to become. It will feel unnatural at first because it may be a new direction or maybe the direction is the same, but the intensity has increased. Either way, remember to always go back to the question, "If my goals were already my reality, what would I be doing?"
Now go Icon! Take massive and intentional ACTION and create the momentum over and beyond that setback that made you want to read this blog.
You got this!
I want to hear from you! Does this strategy help you in overcoming that setback?